I'm a best-selling author with books published in 15 countries, which is weird because I barely paid attention in high school. My books brought me from the trailer park to the New York Times best-seller list, and I had a ridiculous amount of fun along the way. I've survived a house fire, addiction, the Miss Cannon Falls pageant, and at least one audit. I've given speeches, keynote addresses, introduced notables, mocked same, survived speaking at a high school assembly (the kind people have nightmares about doing while naked), taught classes, and run workshops all over the world, sometimes even by invitation. ("I don't know why she's here. She just showed up. Let her talk, I guess?") Other notable accomplishments include mastering lump-free gravy and winning a "Worst First Sentence" writing contest. (Handily. I mean, I barely had to try to come up with something terrible. It's weird that I'm proud of that, right? I've got to stop bringing that up.*)
I've talked to audiences of half a dozen to 500 and everything in between, and have performed in various venues (churches, schools, weddings, banquets, and once a costume party I thought was an exorcism, which was embarrassing for everyone). On my path to publication, I took various SDJs (Stupid Day Jobs), which explains why "former model" and "former medical test subject" are both on my resume. (Don't judge. The money was good.) Hollywood has optioned several of my books, and I've been written up and interviewed in various local and national media, including local and national radio, local and national morning shows, and once on CNN to explain why I thought the Twilight books were terrible. (That was a fun day!)
Here's the thing: I know what it is to always be the new kid in the room, to want to give up (or throw up) under pressure, to have just about everyone tell you that your dreams are ridiculous…and to make it happen while seeing the humor in all of it. Whether you want me to say lovely things about a bride and groom, tell a room full of teenagers that addicts can fight their disease and make something of themselves, or guarantee a speaker who will make your audience laugh (in a good way, not in a "are they seriously foisting this idiot on us?" way), I can connect with your audience, deliver the message you need, and make sure we have fun along the way.
* Brrrinng went the phone.